I have to admit, our president was quite ebullient tonight. We all felt a warm glow of good cheer, knowing that everything is just peachy. Of course, there was that small problem about reality. You know, talking about how things really are. But I didn't mind. It's healthy for people to have rich fantasy lives, right?

Still, since it's all about policy, I thought I'd share those little threats of reality I felt threatening to encroach in on the warm fuzzy thoughts of the State of the Union. Don't worry, I'll be nice. I would not want to spoil the hookah buzz any wingnuts reading this might have.

So here we go, some ... minor quibbles, that's all:

1. "healthy economy" -- erm, the financial pages are talking about a devalued dollar and threats of inflation.
2. "tax relief to everyone" -- really? That's nice. I'm still waiting for my check.
3. "recovered from recession" -- well, let's see ... the recession started right about when it became clear that Bush was going to take office after the 2000 election. I guess those all-knowing markets knew that a spendthrift was entering office.
4. "2.3 million new jobs" -- hmmmm, after what, 4 million lost? If my husband and I both got laid off, and then I got a new job, would we be able to say we have one more job than before?
5. "restraining the spending appetite" -- wait, who's been submitting the big spending budgets?
6. "cut the deficit in half by 2009" -- is this the deficit that did not exist when he took office? the deficit that Bush created himself, with a Republican Congress helping all along the way?
7. "No Child Left Behind" -- that's the program that wasn't fully funded, right?
8. "demand better results from high schools" -- yes, because standardized tests are true measures of how well someone can succeed in the world, right?
9. "for small business, for whom the enemy is regulation and lawsuits" -- that's news to me. The real challenges to small business are big businesses, who receive all the governmental protections and favors, and challenges getting financing, and being able to take risks without being ruined for life. But we had to "reform" bankruptcy laws a few years ago, didn't we?
10. "economy is held back by lawsuits" -- I thought it was held back by frivolous spending and reckless fiscal policy and recession. My economy wasn't held back by lawsuits. Was yours? Who are these people getting sued? Why are they being sued, anyway? Why should we be protecting them? Didn't they supposedly do something wrong? Isn't that why people get sued?
11. "safe, clean nucular [sic] energy" -- safe and clean? Now that is truly an alternate reality!
12. "Clear Skies Act reduces pollution" -- that's interesting, I thought it actually loosened anti-pollution laws so polluters could pollute more and make more profit. Got mercury?
13. "reform time-tested institutions for our time" -- because security and a safety net against financial ruin are just so 20th century, man!
14. "strengthen and save Social Security" -- news break! And here, all this time, he's been talking about turning Social Security over to Wall Street profiteers. Did Laura give him a sit down and straighten him out?
15. "people are living longer" -- which is why we must gut the system and give people lump sums, so they don't do things like exploit the Federal government by living long lives.
16. "Social Security faces a shortfall" -- and then the spendthrifts won't be able to raid the surplus any more to pay for better killing technology and more adventurous killing campaigns abroad.
17. "I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer" -- and then he'll go ahead like a bull who's spotted the red flag, ready to gore anyone who antagonizes him.
18. "privatizing offers a better deal, with money growing at a better rate" -- I guess he's telling us what God told him, foretelling the future of the stock market and all. Too bad he didn't have the Big Man's ear back when he was in business, losing millions of dollars over and over and over again.
19. "cannot take all of the money out at one time" -- well, so much for the individual having all the control! No, you don't get "your money" after all. No, they just find better ways to prevent you from getting too much if you live too long.
20. "a constitutional amendment to proect the sanctity of marriage" -- because everyone is liable to turn gay without it, don't ya know?
21. "a culture of life" -- unless you're a woman, then, if you get pregnant, it's a culture of slavery.
22. "lead the world in medical research" -- except satanist disciplines like genetics.
23. "compassion...never turn away anyone who feels isolated from society" -- except for them gays and Muslims and those 57 million unpatriotic voters who dared to not march in lock step.
24. "HIV/AIDS prevention" -- does this mean he's finally going to fund that big huge plan he announced years ago?
25. "equal justice" -- kinda late for those hundreds who got no appeals while Bush was the hangman governor of Texas, isn't it?
26. "freedom from fear" -- but don't forget to be afraid whenever they bump up the alert level from "scary" to "really fucking scary."
27. "number of terrorist nations has declined" -- well, we'll give him Afghanistan, but isn't that counter-balanced by Iraq, which now has a whole lotta them? Did we invade somewhere else and not tell us?
28. "support our military" -- yeah, we now offer death benefits. Just don't ask for more pay or armor for your Hummers. The billionaires club needed their tax cuts, so you're just shit out of luck, boys.
29. "our aim is to build freedom" -- except in those countries who are part of "our coalition to protect the feedom of our time" like Saudi Arabia (authoritarian monarchy) and Pakistan (military junta).
30. "Egypt" -- you're next, buddy, since you didn't help us with Iraq.
31. "Syria" -- you're on the list, too. We'll give you freedom via our bombers.
32. "Iran is the primary state sponsor of terror" -- does that mean Bush is admitting we invaded the wrong country?
33. "casting your vote is a matter of civic responsibility" -- unless you live in certain counties in Ohio and Florida, in which case no, you cannot vote, so go fuck off.
34. "we've said farewell to some honorable men and women" -- well, actually, Bush has not said farewell, and has a policy of preventing any and all press coverage of the bodies of dead soldiers being returned and their funerals. No, Bush and his buddies have been smuggling our fallen soldiers back under a shameful cloak of silence. Where's the honor?
35. (applause for the military families) -- except, of course, Bush isn't clapping. He's just standing there, smirking. Why isn't he clapping? Does he think the applause is for him?
36. "extend the promise of freedom in our country" -- I guess he means the Patriot Acts, which strip citizens of rights. Maybe he means freedom of government to do what it wants?

My apologies, some of these quotes are paraphrases. I just could not write fast enough. I wanted to get it all down, this strange, bizarre version of reality he was spinning. I want to believe. Really! I'm heartened by the election in Iraq. The Iraqis saved Bush's butt there. And I'd like to believe that Bush really supports education and science and the environment and spreading freedom in the world. But what he does is always just the opposite. If past performance is an indication of future results, well, we are totally fucked.

Then, of course, was the Democratic response.

Harry Ried droned on and on, almost apologizing for not agreeing with Bush and promising not to be too uncooperative with the president. Oh dear!

He did make a very good framing point: What Bush is doing is creating a Birth Tax. Everything that he tries to push off onto future generations to fix adds up. Senator Ried offered the current number of $36,000 per child. That means that your child born today is already 36 grand in the hole, just to cover for the huge national debt that's been run up mostly by Bush, Bush and Reagan. (Where did this notion that Republicans are all about fiscal responsiblity come from, anyway?)

Then Nancy Pelosi came on, and droned and droned..."we must...we must...we must...we must...we must...."

Hey Democrats! You need to hire new speech writers!

All in all, a pretty disheartening night. The only hope is that, the way it looks now, Howard Dean is going to become DNC chair. That will stir the progressive pot, and maybe turn some of that sour cream into butter.

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